The Fated One: The Concept of the “Sortitul” in Romanian Folk Belief and Its Ancient Parallels

Have you ever felt that love is more than just chance, that somewhere, hidden from plain sight, a deeper force quietly weaves the story of who you’re meant to be with? Across time and cultures, people have sought signs and symbols to uncover this mystery, hoping to catch a glimpse of the one meant for them, written somewhere between stars and silence. One of the most enchanting ways this has been done is through the ancient ritual of wax readings, where molten wax, poured into water, forms shapes that seem to whisper secrets about love yet to come.

Today, this timeless practice is not lost to the past. Through intuitive guidance, it still offers a rare glimpse into the hidden architecture of human connection. At Ravestonia.com, I offer personalized wax readings that combine ancestral wisdom with intuition, helping seekers uncover the subtle clues of their fated love.

Join me as we explore the fascinating concept of the sortit: the destined soulmate in Romanian folk belief and uncover the rich traditions and ancient roots behind this timeless idea.

“Sortitul” in Romanian Folk Belief and Its Ancient Parallels

In Romanian folklore, sortit(ă) (masculine/feminine) refers to the person predestined to be one’s spouse or soulmate. The word comes from the verb a sorti (“to cast lots”) and ultimately from Latin sors (“fate, lot”). Thus a young woman’s sortit is literally “the one drawn by fate” for her. (A related term ursit(ă), of Slavic origin, carries the same meaning.) In traditional belief, fate is an active force in matchmaking. Many rural customs aim to reveal or influence the sortit decreed by the universe. These beliefs contrast with the modern notion of the soulmate as a romantic ideal (see below), but they echo a very old idea: that marriages are guided by destiny, not mere chance.

Etymology and Definition of Sortit

Linguistically, sortit derives from Latin sors (“lot, fate”). This root appears in many Romance languages (Italian sorteggio, French sorte). In folk usage, sortit or sortită simply means “fated” or “destined,” often used specifically for the destined spouse. The scholarly Romanian folklorist Romulus Antonescu notes that an unmarried person’s sortit or ursit(ă) is the one inscribed into your life’s thread by unseen hands. In older usage, ursitoare were the female spirits (“Fates”) who spun a newborn’s destiny, including whose spouse he or she would have. Thus the idea of a sortit is built into the very worldview of fate that pervades traditional culture.

Folk Divination to Reveal One’s Sortit

Romanian tradition preserves a rich set of divinatory rituals for discovering one’s sortit. For example, on St. Andrew’s Eve (November 30) a young woman might perform a wax-reading ritual: she pours molten lead or wax into water and watches the shapes that form. Folk lore says these shapes will outline the face of her sortit, revealing his features. (If the figure somehow looked ominous, it could be taken as a bad omen instead.)

Beyond wax, several other methods were used:

• Mirror Gazing: A common divination is to use mirrors and candles. In one variant, a maiden sits alone at midnight between two mirrors with lit candles, gazing until she sees an image. Tradition holds that the reflection of her unknown partner will appear.  (According to some tales, in such a vigil she might even see premonitions about life and death , but the main goal is to glimpse her unknown beloved.)

  
  
  
  

• Basil Under the Pillow: On certain sacred nights (especially St. Andrew’s or old New Year’s Eve), an unmarried girl places a sprig of basil, often blessed or taken from a church under her pillow or even under her tongue before sleeping. She believes that she will then dream of the man who is her future companion. This practice is attested especially in the northern regions (Bucovina, Moldova) and is explicitly described by ethnographers.

  
  
  
  

• New Year’s Love Divination: On January 1 (St. Basil’s Day), Romanian girls sometimes write the names of suitors on small balls of dough and boil them in water. The first dough-ball to rise (or to sink, depending on the region) reveals the name of the man she was cosmically aligned with. Another folk ritual involves floating two labeled pieces of wood or corn-husk (“boy” and “girl”) on water. If the two drift together, it is taken as a sign that the couple is meant to be.

  
  

These elaborate folk rituals all assume that unseen forces (God, saints, or ancestral spirits) actively guide human pairing. A villager of old would not simply rely on chance; instead she hoped to glimpse or influence the sortit that “heaven” had in store for her.

Ancient and Indo-European Parallels

The Romanian sortit concept has clear parallels in ancient Indo-European thought. In Greek philosophy, for instance, the playwright Aristophanes (as recorded in Plato’s Symposium, 4th c. BCE) told a famous myth of primordial humans who were once double beings. 

Zeus “cut each of them in two,” so that each half thereafter “longed for its own other half”. This allegory casts romantic love as the search to reunite with one’s missing piece, essentially the notion of a “soulmate.” This ancient longing mirrors the Romanian idea of the sortit, not just as a partner, but as the soul’s missing rhythm.

Similarly, in classical myth Fate itself was conceived as a cosmic weaver.

The Greeks (and later the Romans) imagined three divine Fates (Moirai or Parcae) who spun, measured, and cut the threads of every life. One English source explains that these goddesses “determined human destinies” and “spin the thread of human fate”. By this logic, the course of life (including marriage) is fixed by supernatural decree.

Even the Latin word for fate (sors) gives a clue: it is the very root of sortit. Thus sortit literally means “the one chosen by lot,” reflecting an Indo-European worldview in which personal destiny (particularly the choice of spouse) is set by higher powers.

This idea is echoed in other cultures as well. For example, in medieval Jewish tradition the word bashert means one’s predestined mate, and the Talmud even recounts that a heavenly voice announces a boy’s future wife before he is born. 

Likewise, Celtic lore speaks of an anam cara or “soul friend”, someone whose soul is bound to one’s own (though that concept is more spiritual than romantic). Across time, myth has whispered the same refrain: some hearts are meant to meet, no matter how far apart they begin.

Modern Notions vs. Folk Roots

In today’s language, the term soulmate often evokes the idea of one perfect, destined love. Yet many scholars argue that this romanticized vision is a relatively modern invention. The English word soulmate only emerged in the early 19th century, and its current spiritual connotation was shaped largely by Theosophy and later New Age thinking.

From a psychological perspective, the belief in a singular “one-and-only” who completes us can lead to unrealistic expectations, and even strain real relationships. In contrast, traditional Romanian beliefs about the sortit were far more grounded. The sortit wasn’t necessarily an idealized partner, but rather the one meant for you by divine will.

Through rituals and folk practices, people sought to discover this fated person. Not because they were perfect, but because they were part of one’s destiny.

Whereas the modern soulmate ideal leans toward personal fulfillment and emotional perfection, the folk concept emphasized alignment with fate and community. Still, the persistent belief in a destined partner, whether imagined through folklore or fantasy, reveals just how deeply this theme resonates across time and culture.

The Cultural Weight of Fate: What “Sortit” Truly Meant to the Romanian Soul

To truly grasp the power of the sortit in Romanian consciousness, one must go beyond etymology or mythological parallels and feel the emotional depth this word held for the traditional Romanian heart. In rural villages scattered across the Carpathians or the plains of Moldavia, the belief in a fated partner wasn’t just folklore, it was a quiet faith woven into daily life. For centuries, people didn’t think of love as mere coincidence, but as something “rânduit de sus” meaning, arranged from above.

The sortit was not only a romantic ideal but a symbol of continuity, of divine justice, and of the cosmic order reflected in everyday life. In many oral traditions, when an elder woman spoke of her husband, she might say, “Așa mi-a fost scris” (“So it was written for me”), not in resignation, but in quiet recognition of fate’s role in shaping her path. The sortit, then, represents a connection not only to another person, but to destiny itself.

For the Romanian people, especially in pre-modern times, to be disconnected from one’s sortit, to miss the chance or marry the wrong man, was to risk a break in the sacred thread spun by the ursitoare at birth. This gives weight to the numerous divinatory practices aimed at discovering the identity of this fated person. Among these, wax readings hold a particularly symbolic and aesthetic power.

Wax Readings: A Ritual Mirror for Destiny

In Romanian tradition, the use of molten wax poured into cold water to divine the future was not mere superstition, it was an intuitive ritual meant to reveal what was already written. 

The act is simple: a candle is melted over an open flame, and the wax is carefully poured into a bowl of water. As it cools, it hardens into fantastical shapes. These forms are then interpreted intuitively, often by someone with deep experience in symbolism, dreams, and fate.

This practice has survived precisely because it speaks to something universal. In a society where few had access to formal education, wax readings became a form of emotional literacy. People turned to them not only for curiosity, but for guidance in matters of the heart. Especially when trying to uncover who their sortit might be.

Ancestral Wisdom for Modern Seekers

Returning to our discussion, what makes this practice truly meaningful isn’t the ritual itself, but the human need behind it. In today’s fast-paced, hyper-connected world, the soul still longs for signs, for clarity, for a reconnection with the sacred. The word sortit may no longer be whispered by candlelight, but the yearning it represents remains unchanged. Whether we believe literally in fate or simply use symbolism as a mirror to understand ourselves better, these ancestral practices help us ask deeper questions. And sometimes, they even offer eerily accurate answers.

When “Soulmate” Becomes a Cage: A Gentle Truth About New Age Beliefs

In today’s emotional and spiritual landscape, the word soulmate is everywhere, painted on affirmation cards, whispered in late-night TikToks, romanticized in novels and movies. And while the longing it speaks to is very real, who doesn’t want to be deeply, completely loved? This modern interpretation can also quietly, and profoundly, mislead us.

Unlike the Romanian concept of the sortit, which was rooted in fate and humility, the New Age version of the soulmate is often built on idealization, fantasy, and sometimes even entitlement. Rather than encouraging emotional or spiritual growth, it can set up impossible expectations and trap people in pain.

As Alex Raven wisely says:

“The modern New Age term ‘soulmate’ is, honestly, not mentally healthy. Sometimes it becomes a beautiful excuse to stay stuck in toxic relationships, trapped in a confusing space between reality and illusion. True love should never make you question your worth. It shouldn’t leave you feeling lost or unsure of who you are.

We need to honor the mystery of life, yes, but also stay grounded in reality. Sometimes, because of deep wounds, abandonment issues, or the desperate need to be seen and loved, we convince ourselves that a painful relationship is ‘meant to be.’

If you recognize yourself in that, please know this: it is not weakness to walk away from something that hurts you. It is self-love. Leaving a toxic relationship doesn’t mean you’re giving up on love, it means you’re choosing your well-being.

The universe isn’t punishing you. It’s waiting for you to choose yourself.

Kindness toward your own soul is the first step toward inviting the love you actually deserve. You are worthy of peace. Of joy. Of being uplifted.

When you honor yourself, your true sortit, your fated partner can find you. And it won’t be through confusion or pain, but through alignment and calm.”

So please, be gentle with yourself. You’re not alone. The path to healing, to true love, to wholeness, is one worth walking.

Many of us have been there, holding on to someone we thought was “the one,” even as they hurt us. Romanticizing relationships that leave us emotionally drained. Telling ourselves the chaos is passion because “aren’t soulmates supposed to challenge us?”

But the truth is:

A real connection, whether fated or chosen will never break you down.

It will not make you smaller.

It will not strip away your worth in the name of destiny.

Healing from the Illusion: Detaching with Kindness

One of the most powerful spiritual acts we can do is this:

Let go.

Letting go of a toxic relationship. Letting go of the belief that someone has to be your destiny just because you loved them.

Letting go is not giving up. It is alignment. It is courage.

At the heart of old Romanian wisdom is this truth:

Fate will find you, but only if you’re walking your own path, not someone else’s.

That’s why rituals like wax readings, dream divination, or sacred nights of stillness weren’t just about discovering who your sortit was. They were also spiritual checkpoints, moments to return to yourself. To listen inward. To hear the voice of truth beneath the noise.

So if you’re choosing yourself today, know this:

That’s not weakness.

That’s an ancient act of faith.

It says to the universe: “I believe I am worthy of something better.”

And when the time is right, fate answers.

Closing Words: Where Mystery Meets Truth

Love, fate, and soul connection are not just poetic ideas. They are deeply human yearnings, woven into the fabric of our ancestors’ stories and into the silent questions we still carry today. In this article, we explored the ancient Romanian belief in the sortit, the fated one. Not as a fantasy, but as a sacred symbol of harmony, timing, and inner alignment.

We compared this with modern New Age concepts of the “soulmate,” and with compassion, we unpacked why these newer ideas can sometimes lead us into confusion, emotional suffering, or even toxic cycles. We also revisited ancient practices like wax readings, which offered gentle, intuitive guidance on the path of love. Not to control fate, but to listen to it.

And more than anything, we reminded ourselves that detaching from what hurts is not the opposite of love, it is the beginning of it.

With Gratitude, From Me to You

Thank you for reading this far and for opening your heart to these reflections. My name is Alex Raven, and I’m honored to hold space for you. Whether you’re seeking clarity, closure, or connection with something deeper than the surface.

To my Patreon community: thank you, deeply, for supporting my page, my voice, and this mission. Your belief in this work allows me to continue sharing ancestral wisdom, offering intuitive readings, and creating a space where truth and mystery can co-exist safely.

May you walk with gentleness toward yourself. And may love, when ready find you walking tall, not waiting. 

Alex Raven