What Childhood Abuse Did to Me and How My Passion for Magic Saved My Life | My Trauma & My Success

I grew up as a deeply depressed and anxious child. There were countless moments when I didn't want to live anymore, and I tried to end my life more than once.

My childhood was far from easy. I grew up without my father and without an emotionally unavailable mother. I always was responsible for everything and everyone and raised myself.

I first met my biological father when I was about seven years old, after returning from Malta where l'had spent a big part of my early life. My stepfather was abusive and extremely possessive with my mother, so we had to come back to Romania. When I finally saw my father again, he told me: "If you ever need help, contact me."

As a little child, those words meant everything.

For the first time, he sent me some money so I could buy myself a toy.

I remember the excitement, my mom took me to the mall, she was pregnant with my little sister, and she wore a beautiful white dress. I still remember that day like it happened yesterday.

My mom almost died. My mother collapsed in front of me, covered in blood.

She was hemorrhaging heavily, it was a terrifying pregnancy complication that could have killed both her and my unborn sister. In that exact moment, I dropped to my knees and prayed harder than I ever had in my life.

People rushed to help, calling the ambulance.

And there's one loving moment stuck into my memory forever:

The lady at the toy store. She lifted me onto her back, took me inside, and played with the toys with me, desperately trying to distract me from the image of my mother bleeding to death before my eyes.

Miraculously, both my mother and my sister

survived. But that trauma never left me.

Not long after, when I truly needed my father and reached out to him, he blocked me.

Completely. Everywhere.

Years later, I tried to reconnect again, but his response was that he couldn't speak to me because his wife didn't allow it.

That kind of abandonment leaves scars.

On top of that, I spent much of my childhood being sexually abused.

Processing all of this pain was almost unbearable. I grew up feeling broken, unwanted, and misunderstood. Being gay only added another layer of trauma and rejection to my already heavy life.

For a long time, I became obsessed with pity. I thought that if people pitied me, if they felt sorry for me, they might finally take me seriously, maybe even help me. That became my survival mechanism.

But then something changed.

I found magic. The occult.

Folklore. My passion for it saved me. It gave me something bigger than myself, something I could hold onto. It became my lifeline, my escape, my justice, my art, my destiny.

And yes, l used my craft to protect myself and to find justice in a world that had been so cruel to me. Many people who deeply

wronged me, did not end well. Magic became my sword and my shield.

Eventually, it also became my career.

I've always struggled with extremes.

I went from being that chaotic, broken child obsessed with pity, to becoming a perfectionist who refused to show any vulnerability at all.

For years, I hid my pain and humanity behind a mask of professionalism.

When I could literally feel my body unraveling, I plastered a fake smile on my face as if nothing had happened.

One moment I was collapsing in tears, the next, I was smiling, because I couldn't bear for my mother to see me like this. She was already lost in her own battles with alcohol and poverty, and I had been her therapist, her friend, her unwavering pillar, for as long as I could remember, but never a child myself. I had been giving her advice since forever, while my own pain quietly consumed me.

Coming back to my perfectionism, deep down, that wasn't me.

That wasn't authentic.

And authenticity is what truly connects us as human beings.

Recently, thanks to messages I've received from my clients, my friends, and my community, I've been reminded of what actually matters.

I realized that what people truly appreciate about me is not just my talent, my accuracy in tarot, or my magical abilities, but my empathy, my humanity, and my authenticity.

So today, I'm making a promise to myself, and to all of you.

From now on, i will combine my professionalism with my vulnerability. I will not be afraid to show who I really am. Because the truth is, I am not just a magician or a tarot reader. I am a human being who has suffered, survived, and transformed. And that is the energy that has brought me loyal clients who have stayed with me for years.

Yes, I am extremely talented at what I do. My predictions have always come true, my rituals have always worked. But beyond that, I know how to listen. I know how to connect. I know how to ask the right questions, and I know how to truly see someone.

By putting so much pressure on myself, I forgot to be grateful. I forgot how far I’ve come.

I forgot about the success I already have for my age. I always demand more from myself, always work harder, always chase the next step. But growing up in poverty and building a life of financial abundance, it hit me like a shock when I realized just how far I’ve come, how much I’ve healed, and how much I’ve grown. There were moments as a kid when I had nothing to eat. And then, when I discovered magic, everything began to change.

I was so depressed back then that I dropped out of high school. But I made myself a promise:

I will make money, I will work hard, and I will never give up. So many times people laughed in my face, telling me my business wasn’t “real” because it was magic and tarot.

But deep down, no matter how broken I was, I always carried this unshakable certainty about my future. I used to think: maybe I’ll end my life, maybe I won’t, but if I don’t, I know I’m going to live a life full of success and happiness.

And I was right. I stayed focused on my career, on making money, on building the life I promised myself I would have.

I swore that I’d never again live a life where I couldn’t afford something I truly wanted. Even though I dropped out of high school, I never stopped learning. I became obsessed with knowledge, with self-education, with growing. And now that I’m stable, I even want to go back to high school and then study psychology in university, because I want to understand and know as much as I possibly can.

I don’t feel inferior for not having formal studies, because I know I can succeed with or without them. I’ve seen people with three degrees who still don’t have jobs in Romania, and that’s heartbreaking. But me, I will continue my career, my passion, and also pursue my studies for myself, for my growth.

I’ll never forget the first time I took my family to a luxury restaurant and paid for everything myself. For a moment, I froze, because there were days in my childhood when I had no food at all, and now I was able to give them this. That was when I let go of my pride and truly felt gratitude.

Thank you for listening to my story. And I want to encourage you, if you have a dream, if you truly believe in yourself, if you work hard and never let anyone tell you that you can’t, you can achieve absolutely anything.

To everyone reading this: thank you. Thank you for reminding me of my humanity. Thank you for saving me.

If you are going through something difficult right now, please remember this: you are loved. You are strong. And the people who have been through the most in life are often the ones who go the farthest. Because we know what pain is, we know what independence is, and we know how to build something beautiful out of nothing.

I love you all. I am here for you. And my advice for you today is this:

Be authentic, be unapologetically yourself. Don’t hide your humanity because that is your greatest power. I love you.

— Alex Raven